On those nights I can't sleep, yes I will catch up on blogging though majority of the time you will find my home blaring with Gospel/praise music. For me God has been my rock, he was there when my best friend died in my arms, when my 16 yr old brother was killed, and he was there when our truck went over that ravine. Only recently I have started to really deal with the emotional and psychological side of the accident. I am having to face fears that I thought I could avoid, God has put me in positions that I am force to deal with it.
An example of this is going to gas station in the 3yrs, I have only been to a gas station a total of 12 times, and anything that runs on gas like mowers, etc....I won't fill then up if they run out, they run out. The reason for this is because when our truck flipped upside down and lay on its roof, I ended up laying on the roof and just a broken windshield separated me from the gas that streamed underneath us. I have given it over to God and when that flashback hits I have to re-give it back to God.
Today was one of those Rough days. I was heading to McDonald's with my daughter. As we stopped at the light on 3rd avenue, with the windows down we got a big whiff of Gas. Immediately I froze and all I did was cried, yeah horns were blaring though I couldn't move until I could compose myself which was about 2 to 3 min. Then there was a little voice from the back seat, "hold on to Jesus." Oh how I thank God she remembered that phrase. That phrase is what I yelled to her when I came through for a split second as the truck flipped, I also would go in her room knowing she is asleep and whisper it in her ear or when she was frustrated I would say it.
As we sat there for a few minutes, we caught the song on the radio-"Hold on." I am struggling though I know my strength isn't with in myself it isn't there. My strength is from the God almighty, who deals a hand that we don't understand, why. He brushes us off and resets us back on our feet for the next round. I know tonight will be one of those sleepless nights that will be filled with music. Even though sleep alludes me, God has blessed me with being fresh and at peace in the morning.
The purpose of prayer is not to influence God to grant you special favors, but rather to remind yourself that you are always connected to God. 